I’m so thrilled to bring my readers this guest post from Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling. Amy’s advice is always practical, effective, and grounded in compelling research.
The 3 New “R’s” of Back-To-School Success
Now that school’s back in session, kids are busy learning the fundamentals of “reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmatic.” But when will they learn to grab a raincoat on the way out the door, or to remember their library books, or to tell you they need a ride to soccer practice more than 15 minutes before it starts?
If these common conundrums have you dreading the school year even more than your third-grader dreads spelling tests, it’s time to learn the 3 “R’s” of school-year success: Routine, Responsibility and Ritual.
Routine
Getting the kids out the door every morning seems so simple—but clearly, it’s not. From dragging them out of bed to pushing them out the door, parents face battle after battle. Does it have to be this way?
Not when you set up a When-Then Routine. This type of routine structures your kids’ mornings so that the “yucky stuff” is out of the way before the “good stuff” happens. You can tell your kid, “When you’re dressed, your hair is combed, your bed is made and your backpack is ready, then you are welcome to have breakfast (or TV time, or playtime, etc.). But remember, the kitchen closes at 7:15 so we can get out the door on time.” No nagging required.
Yes, you may face the tough job of sending Max off to school without his usual bowl of cereal, but you can rest assured he’ll survive until lunchtime—and it’ll only happen once.
A When-Then Routine works because it gives your kids the power to manage their morning on their own terms, but within your limits—which makes for a happier, more peaceful home.
Responsibility
A big part of making your When-Then Routine successful is to hold your kids responsible for managing their own routine—make it their job, not yours, to get through it in time. This empowers children to be more independent and develop self-motivation, all while keeping you from being the “bad guy.”
Make sure you reinforce responsibility by implementing a “no rescue” policy. If your kids are constantly forgetting their music for piano lessons, for instance, warn them in advance: “You’re old enough now to take responsibility for your own music, without me reminding you or driving it to you if you forget.” Then, to help them get off on the right foot, you can say, “What ideas do you have to help you remember on your own?” Anything from a special cubby for school items and sports equipment to a checklist by the door might do the trick, and put the power in your child’s hands.
Ritual
Doesn’t it seem that as the school year gets into full swing, schedules get out of control? How’s a family to keep track of all the band rehearsals, math tests and carpools, let alone connect and actually have fun together?
A weekly Family Meeting can help you do all of the above, and also address other important topics your family faces—such as how to keep Lego blocks out of the garbage disposal, and the best way to potty train a new puppy. Once you initiate Family Meetings, they’ll become a welcome ritual for parents and kids, and will add a little structure to a hectic week.
Family Meeting rituals also help your kids learn important skills like communication, cooperation and respect, while the other “R’s,” Routine and Responsibility, will train your kids in managing their own lives, and how to hold themselves accountable for their own success. You’ll find that your kids will take these skills with them to school and beyond, long after the last carpool has been driven.
Help Yourself and Help a Military Family
When you purchase your copy of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… you can Pay It Forward to a deserving military family. For each book sold, Amy McCready, in partnership with Blue Star Families, will donate Positive Parenting Solutions Online training to military moms and dads who sacrifice every day to protect our country. Learn more about Pay It Forward Parenting and how your book purchase makes a difference!
When my kids were too little to read, I made a poster with my child in the middle, and a picture of everything he needed for school around him. This was especially critical in the winter (we live in Canada) where we needed hat, mitts, scarf, coat, snowpants, boots, indoor shoes, extra socks – as well as the standard lunch box, gym shoes, and other school sundries. Every school/daycare morning, it was my son’s job to check out the poster in the front hall and make sure that he had what he needed. Now, that they can both read, we save a lot of space with a list of items. But the principle is the same – and I’ve stopped checking (they are in grades 4 and 2). Makes my mornings a lot easier, and it’s become part of the routine. Never too early to learn. Begin as you mean to continue…
@Lisa S. – I LOVE this idea of the poster with your son in the middle and everything he needs around him! I’m going to share that with my Positive Parenting Solutions community! Good for you for making it HIS job – not YOURS! Thanks again for your comment!
Warmly,
Amy McCready
Founder, Positive Parenting Solutions